They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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