you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
So vagazzling was a success
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
