Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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