I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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