Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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