I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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