what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Be still, my beating vagina.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
