You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
