Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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