we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
