Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
