im drinking this country out of the recession.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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