you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
