Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
