I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
