So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
