so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
