You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
