He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
