Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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