I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?