I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.