She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
