...so i touched it.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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