if you like me you must not know who I am
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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