my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
