Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
