Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
