remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
