she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
