Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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