I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
