Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
