wakey wakey hands off snakey
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
