I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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