I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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