I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
