I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
