Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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