if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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