I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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