When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
