Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
