i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
