if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
