I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
ttyl tear gas
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
