Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
