yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
