Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
