so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
All I want is dick and wine.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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