the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Randomize