I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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