if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
