Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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