i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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