marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
