WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
