you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
