Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize