I like to think it a success when the cops are called
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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