some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
