Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
