I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
