Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
