we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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