I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Still dying that you shit outside
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
