It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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